Hi all! I’ve been so busy with God knows what lately…with the whole family taking turns in getting cold and fever, I just couldn’t update this blog as often (or as seldom) as I always do.
But here’s a thing that’s been bothering me lately. I came across this article in Sinar Harian about how women would do anything, even torture themselves in order to please their husbands and make sure that their husbands remain true to them. The writer also told a story about how his friends use to refer to their wives as the ‘walking-cupboard’ and other not so nice names just because the wives are getting bigger by the day.
The writer cheekily exposed how the men downgrade, disrespect and insult their own wives without the slightest feeling of guilt, totally forgetting that once upon a time ago these are the women that they went crazy for. And note that they not only feel proud, but even thought that it is funny to insult their own wives in front of their friends…
As someone who has been in and out of the man’s world, I’m not surprise with such attitude of men. It bothers me to hear how some men speak disrespectfully about their wives and it bothers me more to see it in writings as if it is an accepted practice and a no big deal.
But as I keep repeating in my writings, the men who have this kind of attitude are usually those with very little self-confidence and who are suffering from a certain level of inferiority complex. These men just need to brag in order to hide their insecurity. They are afraid that if they don’t brag, then people might be able to see how ‘small’ they really are.
In other words, they are afraid that people might sense that they are not ‘man enough’ or ‘good enough’ to deserve some kind of respect from their friends and the society. They believe that by belittling their wives and talk about having mistress or second wives would give them some kind of a boost for their damaged self-esteem.
It is sad that in our society, even in today’s modern world, to still see men with 18th century’s mentality where they see women as lower species. They talk about their wives like she knows nothing and worth nothing. Often these men paid no attention to their wives’ traits or ability and provide no support at all for her to pursue her interest. They indirectly referred to their wives as housemaids – the person who is expected to care for the home and their needs and that is about all a wife is.
Well, one thing I can say about this type of men is that they are not worth it. And I just cannot comprehend how or why there are women who choose to put up with these men forever.
But then, I try to look at it from a different angle – from the mens’ point of view. As people always say that I have a mind of a man, (as evident in my political writings) I guess I am sort of ‘qualified’ to give views from the man’s side. Let’s explore the possible reasons on why some men look down on women – be it their wives or their colleagues:
Here are some of the reasons that I can think of…
1. Women are being looked down by men because of their lack of interest in serious issues.
Admit it, some women take petty things too seriously eg. soap operas or fashions and in many cases would do anything in order not to miss the next episode on TV or the latest design in the mall. But women often show less interest in what’s going on in the world today. While men choose the news and documentaries, women choose romance movies and ghost stories.
For this, the men take it that we are simply unable to digest the more serious subject, and that is why we resort to petty, insignificant subjects. In other words, they think of us as ‘dumb’ and thus, lose respect towards us.
Sadly, I agree with the men but I don’t think that I’m betraying all women by saying this. I know for a fact that in many ways, women are smarter than men, it’s just that some of us refuse to be smart by letting the men do all the thinking. Well, don’t. This is why the world is so screwed up today.
The men may be entrusted by Allah to be the leader, but they can’t lead or do anything (even make their own coffee or make the bed) unless we show them how or ask them to. Like Margaret Thatcher once said: “If you want something to be said – ask a man. But if you want something to be done - then ask a woman.”
I admit that I have trouble comprehending woman’s magazines. And as a matter of fact I never buy any, because I don’t see the significant of the gossips, advertisements or the art of applying make-up in every page and every issue. Unless, you are in the beauty business which needs you to know all these, these magazines don’t help boost your image in the eyes of the men, most importantly, your husband.
I’m not saying that we should not strive to be beautiful. I believe in striving to be beautiful – all women should too. But I’m just saying that we mustn’t take these as the only thing that matters in this world.
Being obsessed and all excited about the petty things is the common mistake women make that eventually left them with nothing to talk about with their husbands. Well, how do we expect the husbands to spend time with us if they can’t talk to us about anything because we don’t really know anything.
You can’t expect to have a conversation with your husband about soap operas and make-ups and gossips and fashions or what our next door neighbor just bought? Doesn’t it makes sense now if your husband gets bored at home and need to go hang around his friends at every opportunity?
So, women should start looking at the world from a higher angle if we really want men to look up on us.
2. Men look down on women because women choose to be down there by showing lack of dignity and acting like slaves.
Like the writer in Sinar Harian said, the women have been struggling too hard to keep their men. It seems like the more a husband condemns the wife the harder the wife will try to please him. But the wife didn’t realize that the more the she tries to please the husband, the bigger his ego will be, and so the worse things will turn out for her.
And this is just so sad. If a man loves you, you don’t have to struggle to keep him with you. He would have loved you in any look, any size and any shape….and struggles to keep you with him, okay? If you need to struggle to maintain your beauty, which you must, that is for you. Not for him and you must make that very clear to him.
Now women, bear this in mind: If your husband treats you like a slave, that’s because you treat him like a king. If he treats you like garbage, that’s because you act like one – by showing no value and no pride for yourself.
You know, there’s a lot of difference between a husband and a king or a husband and a boss. Husbands are not allowed to boss or slave us around – and Allah has made that clear. They are supposed to take good care of us – in every way, and never the other way around.
So, keep your dignity in check – stop thinking of yourself as a slave and stop acting like garbage. If your husband insists on being the king, then remember that you are the queen.
3. Men have no respect for women because they see women as desperate, helpless species that totally depend on them to survive.
Men know for a fact that even if they cheat on their wives, there is nothing that the wives would do but cry and go into deep depression and eventually accept their fates and continue to serve and be obedient and loyal to them - like a true slave.
Well, this must change. Men must know that a wife is a person with dignity and pride and brain and deserves a good, happy life. Therefore, women should never look or act desperate when dealing with men, especially the husbands. Make it clear to the men that you are not some homeless scumbag who needs them to provide you with shelter and food. Instead, it’s their duty to provide you with all these. You are there, in their homes because they chose you and they want you. So you have every right to be respected by them.
You see, as human beings, the ultimate creation of God, we are provided with brains to think. Why? Because life is all about making choices. We control our own lives not others. You can choose to be a slave or a master, a wife or a buddy, a bore or a fun person, a charming mistress or a scary monster to your husband. You can make your husband respect you and you can make him disrespect you. But we can’t expect anybody to change from disrespecting you to respecting you just because we told him to.
In order to change someone’s attitude towards you, we must first change our way of thinking or doing things. If the method we used didn’t work, then change it again because if you keep using the same method, be sure that you will only get the same result.
But if all the methods didn’t work, then I am telling you again that even as a woman, you have a choice whether to put up with the pain and the insult, or get the hell out and find a new life. Whatever you choose, you only have yourself to congratulate or to blame.
It’s all really up to you, woman. No woman should torture herself and struggle just to please and keep the insecure, insensitive, unloving man with her. I mean,….have some self-worth please…
By writing this, I’m not saying that I have a perfect fairy-tale marriage though my love story did look like a great romance movie. Of course, we have gone through the best and worst times but the most important thing is that we respect each other, equally - with me knowing full well that he is the Master of the house and him knowing full well that I’m the Lady of our home.